Building Joy

Global pandemic, impending recession, protests in the street, violence, hate, and anger everywhere - in a world gone mad, is happiness even possible?   When increasing levels of stress, anxiety, and depression are the natural consequence of uncertainty, unrest, and disquiet, is happiness possible?  When so many people are suffering on so many levels, it almost feels wrong to feel happy, if happiness is even possible.

Joy may be a better option.  It has been suggested that happiness occurs at the macro level - "I am happy in my work, relationships, home, with the state of the world " - and therefore is harder to achieve and sustain.  Joy, however, is found in the little moments.   Joy is more sensory in nature.  Smelling flowers, petting kittens, listening to birdsong or hearing a child's laughter - the little delights that occur everyday.  This "bottom up" approach to building joy - noticing, appreciating, reveling in, and recalling these little moments - can, in fact, lead to happiness.  A happiness rooted in the here and now, choosing to be satisfied with what you have rather than yearning for more, becoming more accepting of life's trials, and approaching conflict from a calm and more reasoned perspective.

Joy, it has been argued, is better than happiness.  And, in a world gone mad, our well-being depends on the belief that little moments of joy are still possible.

****

Listen to Ingrid Fetell Lee's TED talk on "How To Notice and Build Joy Into Your Life."

Peaceful Sleep, Peaceful Dreams

According to the National Sleep Foundation, nearly 60% of Americans typically do not get a good night's sleep. Sleep deprivation can lead to ill-health, poor decision-making, and depression. If you're finding it difficult to fall asleep, stay asleep, or you don't feel refreshed when you wake up, then try some of these tips for healthy sleep:

(1) Try to go to bed at the same time every day. A regular schedule helps to maintain your body's natural circadian rhythm, important for good sleep. Try to wake up at the same time everyday, too.

(2) Create a sleep-inducing environment. Take your computer, television, exercise equipment, and other electronics out of the bedroom. Keep your room comfortable and quiet.

(3) Exercise regularly, but finish your exercise at least 3 hours before going to bed.

(4) Avoid consuming caffeine, nicotine, and alcohol close to bedtime.

(5) A relaxing bedtime ritual can be especially helpful. Turn off the television, computer, or other electronic device at least an hour before going to bed. Then soak in a hot tub, read a book, or listen to soothing music while drifting off to sleep.

More tips for healthy sleeping and other sleep topics can be found at the website for the National Sleep Foundation.

The Ten Virtues of Incense

Lighting a stick or two of incense in the evenings is an easy way to relax and refresh yourself after a hard day's work. Some of you incense afficianados may already be familiar with these "virtues of incense." However for those of you who aren't, I thought our version - updated for a contemporary audience - might be of interest. Enjoy!

The Ten Virtues Of Incense

• heightens your awareness
• refreshes mind and body
• purifies the environment
• increases alertness
• is a companion in solitude
• used everyday, it harms no one
• does not change with age
• when it is plentiful, one never tires of it
• when there is little, it is still enough
• brings a moment of peace amidst a weary world

These virtues were originally compiled in the 16th century. We've slightly updated them for contemporary times but they remain as true today as they were then.

Waking Up

Hope runs high with the dawning of a new year. We leave behind the events and expectations from the past year - with all of its successes and failures, joys and sorrows, disappointments and happy surprises alike - and make way for the new: new beginnings, new goals, new activities, a new you. We talk about the start of a new year as if it is a chance to start fresh again, wipe away the mistakes of the past, re-invent ourselves, be the people we always had intended to be.

Actually, however, every day affords us that chance to begin anew. Every day that we awake is a new day and new beginning. It's rarely beneficial to set aggressive goals for one's self that, come March, will be forgotten amidst the fears and frustrations of too high expectations. Instead, try setting little every day goals, easily accomplished, that will bring pleasure to you or someone else. Small pleasures and little thoughtful actions, performed everyday, lead to big accomplishments.

Even large mountains are eventually worn down by the simple rain, one drop at a time. And like the rain, with focus and steady effort, transcending both hopes and fears, you will likely wake up one day to a kinder, gentler you.

Wishing all of you peace, love, and much joy in the new year!

The Power of Prayer

We've all faced what seem to be insurmountable difficulties in our lives, whether it be illness, financial woes, or a devastating loss. If you're a religious person or among the growing number of Americans who call themselves "spiritual but not religious," you naturally turn to prayer to help you through those difficult times. But does praying help? Well, the research is in and the results are unequivocal: yes and no.

Science has studied that very question over the last several decades with some surprising, and controversial, results. One could argue that science has no place in studying the power of prayer, that prayer by its nature is personal and the effects immeasurable. Still, science being science - and many scientists themselves also being religious or spiritual persons - there has been a growing interest in measuring the tangible results of prayer.

One study sponsored by the National Institutes of Health found that intercessory prayer (praying on behalf of someone else) had positive therapeutic effects on the health of hospital patients diagnosed with cancer and AIDS. A similar study by the Mayo Clinic found no such correlation (Time, 2002). And other studies have been equally lauded or criticized in turn (WebMd).

However, a new comparison of multiple studies conducted over many decades has found some surprising similarities among the research participants. In general, people who consider themselves to be religious:

(1) exercise better self-control
(2) are better able to achieve their long-term goals
(3) live healthier lives
(4) live longer lives
(5) have a more positive outlook on life.

So, whether your prayers are answered or not, it may certainly be true that "prayer may not change things for you, but it sure changes you for things" (Samuel M. Shoemaker).

For more reading:
"Investigating the Power of Prayer," Time, Jan. 16, 2002
"Probing the Power of Prayer," WebMD, 2000
"Religion May Have Evolved Because of Its Ability to Help People Exercise Self-Control," ScienceDaily, Jan. 1, 2009

Just Relax!

Feeling stressed? Who isn't these days? April is Stress Awareness Month. According to WebMd.com, a certain amount of stress in one's life is normal. Too much stress, however, can lead to headaches, stomachaches, insomnia, depression, a weakened immune system, and other serious health problems.

One of the easiest ways to maintain a healthy lifestyle is to learn how to relax. Simple changes in your lifestyle can often be the best cures for stress. Here are some suggestions:

• Turn off the television and listen to peaceful music instead.
• Add a water fountain in your living room or bedroom. The sound of gently burbling water can be quite soothing.
• Soak in a warm tub. Add lavender essential oils for a particularly refreshing experience. The scent of lavender is known for its calming qualities.
• Take a walk in a park. Surrounding yourself with nature acts as a counter-balance to weekdays overloaded with cars, computers, and other man-made contrivances. Nature is healing.
• Start a meditation practice. Even five minutes a day can have a profound impact on your stress levels.

In Alexandria, two recurring events can help you start on the road to relaxation:

The first is Dona Witten's guided meditations for healing and relaxation. Dona uses guided relaxation exercises and calming contemplations to help you learn to cope with stress and anxiety. She offers her relaxation workshops at Mindful Hands on the first Saturday of every month.

Also on the first Saturday of the month, Historic Christchurch offers a Labyrinth Walk, from 9:30am to 12:30pm. Labyrinths have been used for many centuries as tools for meditation, contemplation, and relaxation. I've walked the labyrinth myself at Christchurch and it is, surprisingly, profoundly invigorating as well as deeply relaxing. Certainly a great way to start your weeked free from stress!

As Ovid once said: "Take a rest; a field that has rested gives a bountiful crop."

Key to a Simple Life: Being Pleasant

One of my favorite quotes is from Elwood P. Dowd, of Harvey fame:

"To get along in this world, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant. Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant."

Of course, Elwood was also an alcoholic and I certainly can't recommend taking to drink to get along in this world. However, it seems to me that we can all benefit by taking a page from the book of Elwood. You only have to turn the TV to any "reality" show to see that we are now living in a world that encourages conflict, competitiveness, and the demeaning and humiliation of others. Yet, the participants on these shows don't seem to be happy. In fact, they seem to be living largely unhappy, complicated, and conflict-ridden lives.

I have to agree with Mr. Dowd, there's a lot to be said for being pleasant. Elwood largely avoided conflict by trying to be as agreeable as possible to those around him. He helped when he could, shared what he had, and tried to get along with everyone. He found everyone interesting and listened to their stories with fascination and appreciation. People liked being around him because he cared.

Sounds to me like a recipe for a happy life.

6-foot rabbit optional.

Feeling Better

I scanned the headlines today in the Washington Post and felt like crying. Bad news everywhere: war in the Gaza Strip, Ford and GM revenues down more than 30%, $50B Ponzi schemes allowed to run amok by the very regulators who are supposed to be protecting us, and on and on.

Then I came across this quote by one of my favorite people, His Holiness, the Dalai Lama:

"Choose to be optimistic. It feels better."

I realized that there is little or nothing I can do about the many national and global crises we seem to be facing lately, but I can certainly do something about my own attitude. Rather than focusing on the negative and getting more and more depressed, I can focus on what I truly believe in: the inherent goodness and resiliency of people everywhere.

No matter what trials and tribulations we may be facing currently, I heartily believe that we can and will get through this.

I choose optimism because it does feel better.

Simplify: Less is the New More

Everything seems to slow down for me in January. January and February are two of the slowest months for my shop, Mindful Hands. The holidays are over, days are shorter and nights longer, no vacations planned. I always find January to be a good time to take stock of all the "stuff" Chris and I have accumulated over the years - from old clothes no longer worn, books no longer read, videos no longer viewed, and assorted knick-knacks we no longer have the use or room for.

All of it goes into one big pile in the basement. When we're satisfied we've combed through all our belongings as thoroughly as we can, we box and bag it all and leave it by the curb in front of our house to be picked up by The Lupus Foundation. It's a "win-win" - we get rid of our stuff and they get the funds from the sale to thrift stores.

If you're interested in un-cluttering your life and giving away your stuff, try these resources:

http://www.freecycle.org/
http://www.lupuspickup.org/

Resolved: No More New Year's Resolutions

I gave up on New Year's resolutions many years ago. I used to promise myself all the usual things: lose weight, exercise more, eat healthier. Sometimes I would get creative and promise to learn a new language or fun skill such as ice-skating or ballroom dancing.

Somehow, though, all the usual excuses would creep in: work was keeping me too busy to exercise, too much traveling prevented healthier eating, I wasn't coordinated enough, or graceful enough, or committed enough . . .etc. etc. etc. And somehow all the resolutions I made at the beginning of the year seemed less important when I was grappling with the ongoing trials and tribulations, joys and sorrows, and just plain ol' day-in, day-out routine of living.

I tried, really tried, to be a better person, but failed miserably each time.

Then (I think it was 2002), I had a brilliant idea: why not give up resolutions altogether? Why make myself feel like a failure over something that was a self-imposed idea of a "perfect me." I really wasn't unhappy with who I was, so why did I feel like I needed to be improved? If New Year's resolutions were difficult to keep and making me miserable, then why not give them up?

So I did and, not surprisingly, my life didn't change dramatically. I still wasn't any thinner or buffer or healthier but I felt better about myself now that the pressure was off. And when I did occasionally make a few attempts at exercising more or choosing a salad over a hamburger and fries, I congratulated myself for doing so rather than beating myself up for all the times I didn't do it.

Giving up resolutions helped me focus more on all the positive things I was doing rather than all the positive things I could be doing.

But I felt something missing with each successive New Year. I had liked the internal exercise of taking an accounting of one's actions, behaviors, and attitudes in the past year. So this year, I have decided to re-institute New Year's Resolutions, not with the idea of improving myself but with the idea of enjoying life more.

To that end, I decided to take a favorite quote as a guiding principle. So, paraphrasing Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, for this New Year of 2009, I herewith resolve:

"Every day to hear at least one little song, read one good poem, see one exquisite picture, and, if possible, speak a few sensible words."

To all of you, I wish you much harmony in the New Year! - Sally

World Peace Begins With Inner Peace

Living a harmonious life means working towards developing that inner peace that can then result in increased caring for others, leading ultimately to world peace. One of my most favorite quotes about world peace comes from His Holiness, the Dalai Lama:

"World Peace must develop from Inner Peace. Peace is not the absence of violence, peace is the manifestation of human compassion."

Living With Outrageous Joy (book review)

“Trying creates impossibilities, letting go creates what is desired.” - Stalking Wolf, an Apache elder

Living With Outrageous Joy, by Madeleine Kay, is a wonderful little book with a big message. In easy-to-read snippets, Madeleine Kay presents her ideas about living a joy-filled life. She quotes freely from Native American elders, as well as from Michelangelo, Helen Keller, and the Buddha, among others. This book is fun, energetic, and motivating and makes a great gift for anyone who needs a little joy in their lives.

Choose Joy!

In the midst of our stress-filled, busy days we often find ourselves focusing on all the ways we failed to live up to our own expectations – the tasks that didn’t get completed or that were completed imperfectly, the people we failed to persuade or influence, the situations that didn’t turn out quite the way we had planned.

We spend precious minutes of every day focusing on the negative things in our lives – what we want and don’t have, what we don’t want yet have, the people who dislike us or are discourteous to us, the situations that we can’t control yet would somehow change . . . all of life’s little, and big, frustrations.

How much of what we spend our days worrying about really matters?

Choose joy, instead.

Choosing joy means:

• Mindful Living – living with conscious, and constant, awareness of our thoughts, emotions, behaviors - and the choices we make throughout the day;
• Focusing on the positive rather than the negative;
• Recognizing those things that are within our control and giving up trying to control those that are not;
• Doing something nice for someone else. It’s quite amazing to learn that when you bring a little joy into someone else’s life, it spills over into your own.

Choosing joy means not only accepting your own limitations and those of others but also recognizing that, in these troubling times we live, every moment counts. So make every moment count positively – choose joy.

Finding Beauty in Simple Things

Christopher Engnoth is a talented Alexandria artist as well as the art director at my shop, Mindful Hands, and my life partner. So I'm a little biased when I say his landscapes of the Potomac River and surrounding environs are quite breath-taking. The image here is of Chris' watercolor, "Frozen Potomac." His interest in nature and water was sparked by his childhood on the Chesapeake Bay. He says of his art, "I hope that my paintings can bring some measure of peace and joy to those who, like me, can appreciate the beauty in simple things."

A Sunday Stroll

Living in the city as I do, I don't have the opportunity to walk in the woods often. However, I am fortunate in that I live in Alexandria, Virginia, a city that has a real commitment to preserving "green space" and urban hike-and-bike trails. One such trail is the Mount Vernon Trail, an 18-mile paved trail that extends from George Washington's Mount Vernon Estate north through Old Town Alexandria and then even further north to connect with the W&OD rail trail that runs west for 45-miles through Northern Virginia and nearly to West Virginia.

I live close enough to the trail that I can (if I get up early enough) walk to my work in Old Town, about an hour's stroll away. I find walking the trail to be relaxing and refreshing. The trail follows the Potomac River the entire way and, no matter what mood the river is in - whether cheery and bright blue or dour and gray - I find it soothing just to look at the gently rolling waves and breathe in the fresh air. Though the trail passes right by National Airport and a coal-powered electricity plant, it also has some lightly wooded areas and marshy spots. I share the trail with many rabbits, geese, beavers, and even a turtle or two.

I may not be able to walk in the deep woods on a regular basis but I find the Mount Vernon Trail to be just as restorative. As the naturalist John Burroughs said, "I go to nature to be soothed and healed, and to have my senses put in order."

The Simple Life

Here is one of my favorite quotes about nature and living the simple life:

"To find the universal elements enough; to find the air and the water exhilarating; to be refreshed by a morning walk or an evening saunter; to be thrilled by the stars at night; to be elated over a bird's nest or a wildflower in spring - these are some of the rewards of the simple life." (John Burroughs)

"The Peace That Brings Happiness"

One of my favorite things is the musical compositions of Tibetan singer, Dechen Shak-Dagsey. "Shi De" is Tibetan for "the peace that brings happiness." Dechen Shak-Dagsey, the daughter of a Tibetan lama, adds her crystalline voice to these hauntingly beautiful original compositions. With titles such as "Care for the Animals," "Care for the Environment," and "A World Without Weapons," these songs are an appeal to all people to tune into their higher selves for the sake of world harmony.

Five Good Minutes

Five Good Minutes: 100 Morning Practices to Help You Stay Calm and Focused All Day Long (Jeffrey Brantley, M.D.)

I'm a big believer in the value of meditation. Even if you can only squeeze in five minutes a day for meditating, the benefits you will receive in stress-reduction and re-energizing yourself are enormous. This compact little book contains 100 simple exercises, all of which can be practiced in five minutes or less. Starting with “breathing mindfully,” Dr. Brantley recommends new ways of looking at and doing everyday things – like taking a shower or drinking coffee -- that transforms simple activities into peace-inducing meditative moments.

Why Wait? Meditate!

Why Wait? Meditate! Meditation techniques have been practiced for thousands of years in all countries and cultures. And the number of people engaging in meditation is steadily increasing. According to TIME Magazine, in a cover story published in 2003 on the health benefits of meditation, “ten million American adults now say they practice some form of meditation regularly, twice as many as a decade ago.” Meditation has been credited with many health and wellness benefits, including relieving stress, anxiety, and depression. A recent study has found that meditation can even increase brain size.

There are many different meditation techniques that are used for a variety of purposes. Some of the most popular techniques are: guided meditation, walking meditation, breath-awareness, and concentration (or calm-abiding) meditation. Whichever method you choose, meditation as a daily or weekly practice can help “calm your mind, relax your body, and soothe your spirit.” So, why wait? Meditate!

(sources: Harvard University Gazette, CNN.com, TIME Magazine) -->

What Makes You Happy?

What makes you happy? Like Maria in A Sound of Music, I can list a few of my favorite things: hot cocoa on a cold winter's day, brightly-colored birds twittering excitedly around a bird feeder, long walks along the river with my honey. . . When you're feeling down, what gets you "up" again? What makes you happy?

Most people believe themselves to be pretty happy, overall. Research shows that "happier people are healthier, more successful, harder-working, caring, and more socially engaged." (The Sunday Times Magazine, October 2, 2005; read the full article here.)

Research on what makes people happy has blossomed in the last several years as a new field of study called "Positive Psychology." As its name implies, Positive Psychology focuses on the positive experiences in people's lives as well as the specific character strengths - such as humor and honesty - that make happy people happy. Some of the goals of Positive Psychology are to support the development of happy, healthy families, schools, and communities.

Positive Psychology support groups are popping up all over, including right here in my town of Alexandria, VA. The Inner Arts Center sponsors a monthly group on the 3rd Saturday of every month. The group shares articles, books, and techniques exploring topics such as optimism, resilience, savoring, and awe. If you're interested in bringing more happiness and joy into your life then you may want to look for a Positive Psychology support group in your own area.

And, as Maria von Trapp knew, simply remembering a few of your favorite things will bring a lilt to your step and a smile to your face - and then you won't feel so bad!